In а World full of opportunities whyyyyyy would you settle for less?
When the shit hit the fence this is the moment when you start realizing that there is a problem and only you can fix it.
There are few “TOXICS” in our lives. Work, everyday life, and relationships/friendships.
Let’s start with the toxic work environment.
A toxic work environment is one where negative behaviors—such as manipulation, bullying, yelling, and so on—are so intrinsic to the culture of the organization that a lack of productivity, a lack of trust, high stress levels, infighting, and discrimination become the norm
Most of you know that I was employed by what used to be a LOCAL business since the day I moved to Charlotte. A business that used to uphold standards, work ethic, work-life balance, and APPRECIATION. I was unbothered and somehow happy.
And no. I never looked at the financial end to remain happy and give my 100%.
After a change of ownership, the pride this business used to be run with, was left out the door just like the whole concept. Sadly but true, my passion and pride too.
After 3 months of literally dealing with my demons, I left.
September 16th was the day I quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey. The best feeling ever.
Well, September 19th– Sunday was my last day of employment.
I would say probably the 3 packs of cigarettes every day cleared my eyes and I actually saw what I needed to move on.
And I will add more:
7. no brain investment – money can’t buy you everything.
8. not willing to learn what’s best for the team and the guests. In my case, sadly, it showed really fucking quickly.
9. managing by fucking books and cult leaders leads to brutal financial damage.
10. so-called “leaders” using quotes to stimulate their “fellowship” which leads to N-A-D-A.
11. no “hands-on” moves from leaders until it goes to the shit.
12. can’t manage a business Monday-Thursday. Just FYI.
13. fake marketing campaigns.
And now let me be brutally honest for a minute, some of the readers would say that I am writing this because I am somehow jealous. Let me clarify this for you.
I am not an idiot in the Great United States of America – everyone is replaceable and it goes both ways. Jobs are everywhere, and so as employees. What’s not replaceable is the investment and the pride because this cannot be bought, unfortunately.
Using my personal experience to show everyone how toxic can one place turn within days.
It’s sad to see your hard work goes down the drain. But you leave, STAND UP and move the fuck on.
When I used to read books about how people leave jobs and start throwing up because they are cleaning I was like “yeah, right”. Let me tell you, this happens to me the next day. And it felt fucking great.
Funny the day before I quit we received a mass email from the people’s health index with a quote stating “People don’t quit their job, they quit their bosses!”. Funny, this time you are so fucking right.
Writing this makes me feel so happy and relieved.
As soon as I made it very clear and publicly known that I am unemployed, I can proudly say that I received more than 10 job offers in less than 24 hours.
Which speaks VOLUME.
The support I’ve received from team members and people I’ve met throughout the years is something I am beyond grateful for.
PROS of quitting my TOXIC job. 🤮
1. I stutter less.
2. Fucking life.
3. Enjoy time with my friends.
4. Being able to exercise.
5. Having time to do shit outside of work.
6. Meeting new people.
7. Readjusting priorities.
8. Seeing that there are still business owners who care about their businesses.
9. Cleaning my closet of things I don’t need.
10. Being able to unplug and turn off my phone. It feels fucking great.
CONS of quitting my TOXIC job. 🤮
1. NONE
Let’s move on to the toxic relationships:
If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you’ve sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.
https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/
Here I can’t give an example of a toxic relationship, because I can sense them really quickly.
But I do have friends who are in one or have been in one and what they are going through isn’t something I like to talk about.
It’s disgusting to see how people can treat you when they constantly tell you how much they love you.
Fucking Bullshit.
The control freaks are everywhere and I am really good at seeing this behavior from day one.
Toxic friendships
Toxic friendship signs.
- They disrespect your boundaries. …
- They always need something from you. …
- They don’t take accountability. …
- They may weaponize their struggles. …
- They make you feel guilty for spending time with other people. …
- They dismiss your values. …
- They ignore your efforts to be a good friend to them.
Even More Signs of a Toxic Friend
Think of the way your friend speaks, reacts, and behaves around and with you. Do they fit any of the signs below?
1. They don’t acknowledge the important parts of your life.
2. They always seem to come around when things get tough but they offer little to no support when you talk about your struggles.
3. Or vice versa, they only come around when things are going well and disappear when you’re in need of help.
4. They don’t congratulate you or otherwise acknowledge your successes.
5. They spend more time talking about themselves and rarely ask about you.
6. They don’t respect your relationship or other friends, or even ex-friends, relationships. This includes respecting your significant other.
7. They keep you waiting, even when they know you’re in a time crunch. And they almost never wait for you.
8. You’ve been friends with them since you were kids. And you had a volatile friendship during your childhood.
9. In addition to the above, your friendship was mostly orchestrated and maintained by your parents, even after you were both old enough to make your own plans and friends.
10. They laugh off your worries or issues and make them out to be no big deal.
11. They get angry when you bring up a problem you have with them. In general, they’re easily defensive and frequently take things the wrong way.
12. They ask for favors or money and never reciprocate the generosity.
13. They rarely, if ever, say “thank you,” “please” or “I’m sorry.”
14. They expect you to be there for them whenever they need it, but don’t come through when you need them.
15. They talk down to you or otherwise treat you as though you’re inferior.
16. They’ve caused minor or major unwanted shifts or changes in your life, directly or indirectly. In other words, when everything turns to shit—somehow they’re involved.
17. They’re suddenly “super close” with a family member, coworker, or another friend of yours that you introduced them to only once or twice. Bonus points if your friend kept this new friendship a secret. Double bonus if it’s happened with multiple people.
18. They call you “dramatic,” “overly sensitive” or “crazy.”
19. They have a history of copying you when it comes to hair, personal style, career path, relationships, etc.
20. They don’t respect your request for space.
21. They ditch you during social events or leave to go somewhere “more fun.”
22. They pressure you to drink more or get into dangerous situations. Or they encourage you to keep other toxic people in your life.
23. They say what you want to hear and may even apologize but their words are rarely backed up with action.
24. They constantly complain and rarely have anything positive to add to the conversation.
25. They don’t empathize with mental illness and you suffer with it.
They don’t have to fit all of the signs to have a negative impact on you. Keep reading for more signs and how to start the friendship breakup process.
Signs Your Friendship is Bad For Your Mental Health
Now think of how you react, feel, and behave with your friend. Do you relate to any of the following?
1. You feel a sense of dread when it’s time to hang out with them.
2. You feel uneasy when they’re around your significant other or people you admire and respect.
3. You feel drained after spending time with them or talking to them.
4. You don’t feel comfortable expressing your opinions or inner feelings around them.
5. Your life seems darker or more chaotic since they’ve been in it or whenever they come around.
6. You feel an unreasonable need to impress them or seek their approval.
7. You feel like you’re constantly in competition with them and/or you get the sense that they’re always trying to one-up you in life even though you’re not keeping score yourself.
8. You don’t like who you become when they’re around.
9. You resent them.
10. You’re frequently appalled, surprised, or hurt by their behaviour.
11. You occasionally think, “Things would be better between us if only she/he….”
If you fit most of the signs above, it’s probably best to say goodbye to your toxic friend for good. Your mental health always takes priority. Now the question is, how?
I use these two books; they helped me a lot through my life transition and finding myself again.
- “Good morning, I love you”– A Guided Journal by Shauna Shapiro
- “life unplugged” – Digital Detox Workbook by Meleah Bowles and Elise Williams Rikard
They helped me recharge and find my happiness again.
Losing yourself to your gray everyday routine can be painful and definitely can cause harm and damage which will be really hard to rebuild.
Life is too short for toxicity and makes sure you share your experiences with everyone so we become more aware of what’s around the corner and how deep in the shit we are.
Xoxo 💋 one and only,
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